Peter King has his Fine Fifteen, ESPN has its own composite power rankings, and the legendary Dr. Z’s weekly power rankings were a must-read until he was stricken silent by a stroke last year. So, why can’t TBL get in on the fun? Here’s the eighth installment of the 2009 NFL in-season power rankings, featuring the aptly-named Laetitia Casta.
1. New Orleans Saints (7-0): You know that part in “The Power of Love” where Huey Lewis bellows “There ain’t nuthin gonna stop this traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain?” He was talking about the Saints.
2. Indianapolis Colts (7-0): The number one scoring defense in the NFL belongs to these guys, which shouldn’t be completely shocking as they’ve finished the season first or second in that particular statistic twice (2005, 2007) in recent years. Those were the two best Colts teams of the Indianapolis era. Neither won a playoff game. Gulp. Conversation starter: Is Reggie Wayne now the best WR in the NFL?
3. Minnesota Vikings (7-1): Well, he got what he wanted. And he’s now thrown for 16 TD’s on the year against just three INT’s. Hate him at your own discretion, but the surgically-repaired gunslinger has been impressive thus far, as have the Vikings. The NFC North is all but theirs.
4. Denver Broncos (6-1): It’s not like they were going 16-0, but Kyle Orton throwing for just 152 yards against the much-maligned Ravens secondary is a bit concerning. As is the 30 points they surrendered. Still, they remain essentially 2.5 games up on the Chargers in the AFC West race, though their week nine Monday nighter with the Steelers could have a huge impact on the AFC’s playoff seeding. Good thing it’s at Mile High, er, Invesco, er, Invesco Field at Mile High.
5. Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2): A bye week sandwiched between the Vikings and the Broncos works out pretty nicely for them, wouldn’t you say? This team scares the shit out of me like Beetlejuice did when I was 8.
6. New England Patriots (5-2): Big four-week stretch coming up for the Patriots. They host the Dolphins, go to Indianapolis, get the Jets at home for a revenge game, and then travel to New Orleans. Emerging 7-4 should sew up the AFC East, but 8-3 would vault them back into playoff bye contention.
7. Cincinnati Bengals (5-2): Much to the Bengals’ chagrin, it appears the Nevermores have decided not to cede the number two spot in the AFC North to Cincinnati without a fight. Facing Baltimore and Pittsburgh back-to-back this week and next should help sort out where Jordan Palmer and co. fall in the AFC hierarchy.
8. Baltimore Ravens (4-3): Joe Flacco was an efficient 20-for-25 for 175 yards and a TD against what had been the league’s top scoring defense, while Ray Rice continued his breakout sophomore season with 84 yards and a score. One worrisome stat: the Ravens only forced one turnover in their best defensive game of the season to date. Come January, they’re going to need more than that.
9. Philadelphia Eagles (5-2): How great have second- and third-round picks (in ‘08 and ‘09) Desean Jackson and LeSean McCoy worked out for the Eagles thus far? Sunday against the Giants the two combined for 160 yards and 2 TD’s on only 14 touches from scrimmage. DVOA must love that.
10. Dallas Cowboys (5-2): Engima, this one. The Cowboys crushed the struggling Seahawks at home, and prior to the game everyone in the Jerradome glimpsed the trailer to James Cameron’s Avatar on the punt-free giant screen. Who’s this Sam Worthington guy supposed to be, anyway, the next Eric Bana? Good luck, Sam. One minute you’re blowing shit up in Ridley Scott movies, the next you’re wandering the streets of Chicago naked. Career trajectory pointing down.
11. Houston Texans (5-3): The Texans continued their offensive onslaught, skewering the Bills for 450+ yards and controlling the ball for nearly 40 minutes. The downside to their 31-10 victory was they lost Pro Bowl TE Owen Daniels for the year, which is bad news for Andre Johnson and Kevin Walter, good news for AFC LB’s.
12. San Diego Chargers (4-3): Shawne Merriman and Shaun Phillips came into week eight with two sacks combined and left with six. Does that mean the Chargers long-dormant pass rush has returned? Doubtful. Three Ewoks and a Wookie could line up against the Raiders’ offensive line and bring down JaMarcus Russell.
13. New York Giants (5-3): Every time the New York media thinks what it craves (Eli is overtaking Peyton!) is about to happen, the Giants rip ass and Eli struggles. Only this time it has happened in three straight games and the Giants play four playoff contenders in the next five weeks. I said it Sunday, but I’ll repeat it today: the Giants are last year’s Cowboys.
14. Atlanta Falcons (4-3): The Falcons gave up 300 yards of offense to the Saints Monday night - in the first half. Unless they can spackle the numerous cracks in this defense in a hurry, the NFC South will be sending just one team to the playoffs.
15. Green Bay Packers (4-3): The NFL leader in passer rating is not Peyton Manning, it’s Aaron Rodgers, who suffered not one, but two sprains in his second 2009 Minnesota mauling. The Packers simply can’t keep Rodgers upright, and he’s not helping matters by ignoring the three-second clock in his head and taking unnecessary shots.
16. Arizona Cardinals (4-3): For crap’s sake, after their best win of the season (a night road triumph over the Giants in the Eastern time zone) the Cardinals turned the ball over six times in a home defeat to Carolina. Kurt Doesn’twanttheball channeled Jake Delhere’stheball Sunday afternoon, matching the latter’s pathetic output from the two teams’ January playoff contest. Is it Leinart time in the desert? We could be hearing murmurs soon.
17. Miami Dolphins (3-4): This team is a JOKE. They couldn’t close out the Saints and Colts when they had each of them beat. They run a gimmick offense. They can’t even manage 200 yards of offense. May be the worst team ever. Ugh, can’t get over how bad they are. [Ed. Why couldn't this Ginn have showed up Sunday?]
18. Chicago Bears (4-3): Yo, Ron Turner, I’m far from the best columnist on the Internet, but I’m pretty sure even I’m better at my “job” than you are at yours.
19. San Francisco 49ers (3-4): Were the Niners pulling a Patriots and instructing their defensive players to fake cramps to slow down the Colts’ offense? Maybe. Maybe not. Even if they were, it’s called gamesmanship and more teams should give it a shot, if not hire Willie McGinest as a consultant.
20. New York Jets (4-4): The Jets have a bye this week, then they face the Jaguars, Patriots, Panthers, Bills, Bucs, Falcons, Colts and Bengals. An 8-8 season is nothing to be ashamed of. [Ed. Fans with next year on the mind would prefer 6-10 and a slightly better pick.]
21. Carolina Panthers (3-4): When’s the last time Jake Delhomme wasn’t the worst QB on the field? It’s been a long time, but when you don’t turn the ball over and the opposing QB does it SIX times, you’d damn well better win.
22. Buffalo Bills (3-5): As a rule, a fan is not allowed to have two teams they root for in the same sport. None of this “this is my AFC team, this is my NFC team, this is my AL team, this is my NL team” bullshit. I can hear you trying to justify it already. Stop. It’s cowardice, pure and simple. Fans like you are why we have pink jerseys and pink hats. That said, if I could pick a second team to root for, it’d be this one. Minus that whole murderer at running back thing, they’re a pretty sweet franchise.
23. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-4): Now, if I could pick a team to get rid of, it’d probably be this one. I’m an asshole, I know.
24. Seattle Seahawks (2-5): Really, you have no idea how hard it is to write something about EVERY team in the league. Okay, here goes: If Jake Locker is there when the Seahawks pick in the 2010 draft, do they take him? I say yes.
25. Oakland Raiders (2-6): I guess you could say that, with a little bit of luck, the Raiders could be 4-4 with two victories over the Chargers. Maybe you could say that, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. I have a hard enough time getting Z’s when the power goes out and my Peyton Manning nightlight goes dark.
26. Tennessee Titans (1-6): Is Chris Johnson the most exciting player in the NFL? Perhaps. Are we allowed to vote for a defensive player? Because I’d take Haloti Ngata. What, that distinction’s reserved for offensive players? What is this, the Heisman race? Charles Woodson, grumble, grumble (kicks dog)…
27. St. Louis Rams (1-7): In the “Greatest Game Ever Played (Part Two),” the previously winless Rams downed the Lions 17-10, ending a 17-game losing streak in the process. Remarkably, the two teams combined for just two turnovers, which doesn’t say much for their defenses.
28. Detroit Lions (1-6): Number one overall pick Matthew Stafford throws a pass that is intercepted in the end zone by a Rams defender, who then brings it out of the end zone, changes his mind and is tackled behind the goal line for a safety. Some things you just can’t make up.
29. Washington Redskins (2-5): Atlanta, Denver, Dallas, Philadelphia and New Orleans are the Redskins’ next five opponents. But, thankfully, after that they play the Raiders. Odds on whether Jim Zorn is still their head coach for that game? About on par with Tom Cable’s chances of being across the sidelines.
30. Kansas City Chiefs (1-6): Larry Johnson (judging by his arrest/discipline record) dislikes women and gay people. If this were the 1890’s, he’d probably be a lot happier. Wait…no he wouldn’t.
31. Cleveland Browns (1-7): When a team plays poorly and beats you by 24, you’re a sad franchise. But what can the Browns do (besides snipping the Kok, of course)? They can’t start Brady Quinn for another couple games, until it’s impossible for him to take 70 percent of the team’s snaps this season and reach some salary escalators. They also can’t keep allowing Derek Anderson to take the field. The Bret Ratliff era is coming, and it’s coming soon.
32. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-7): Come on, it’s hard enough to write about this team when they actually play a game.
